A Month of Thanksgiving - Day 7 (Saturday)
All through the 2000s were some difficult, challenging and rewarding parenting years. Today I am thankful for learning that I really DID have it ALL - all that mattered anyway.
When too much is too much and enough is enough
All of this change and growth, and especially the fast career promotions, took a toll on me mentally, physically and emotionally, as well as being very hard on my family. I went through some of the roughest learning periods of my career, and one of the hardest times as a parent with children now in grade school and middle school. I had attempted to go back to school and earn my associates degree, but it was quickly becoming impossible with the number of hours I was putting in at work, and the home and school demands combined.
Anxiety and depression
My kids and husband were suffering and my self-worth was declining - and home-life started to nose-dive. I felt like nothing I was doing was good enough and I was experiencing severe mental burnout, depression and exhaustion. I even got diagnosed with ADD, as my children had been diagnosed with it and I thought for sure that I, too had the symptoms. The doctor gave me Adderall to help me focus, and it clearly did that well, but also gave me extreme anxiety and panic attacks. They added antidepressants on top of that to take the edge off the anxiety. I was struggling to keep everything going -to keep the cart from sliding off the tracks - I was failing miserably. My kids needed me and I needed to refocus my priorities.
Reprioritizing
After a while, I decided to put school on hold and focus on my job and raising my kids. It would be several years until I fulfilled my dream of going back to college. In fact, in 2006 I lost this job due to the market shifting and downturn and I learned that company did not value me nearly as much as I thought it did, and it certainly didn't make up for the sacrifices I had made. I then made a conscious decision that I would never again let work dictate my life and take priority over my kids' and family's well-being. It was a valuable lesson to learn, and it came almost too late.
Things will never be the same
When my daughter Megan went to live with her dad in North Carolina for Junior/Senior year of high school, things really hit home for me that things had to change at home. I started seeing a counselor and made some significant changes in career priorities. A job would never again take higher priority than my family but things would never be the same as before. We had to evolve and needed time to heal. We even continued to go through a bumpy time at home for a few years after that.
Victory and healing come with growth
Megan returned in her Senior year of school to finish at BLHS in 2007, and then started her new life with her boyfriend. Tim continued struggling with school and Alex was finishing high school by 2009 and on a path to join the Army upon graduation. It was quite a turbulent time for all of us in those years and family remains a constant in my life. Always my heart and soul -and sometimes my blood, sweat and tears. I have learned to be content in everything, despite many trials. I am even grateful FOR the trials, for they come with growth and God has the victory in the end.
No comments:
Post a Comment